April 1, 2009
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Why I Can't Marry Bricker (Poor Thing) - [WARNING: Naked Art]
I made a grave mistake yesterday. I revealed too much of my true self on xanga and Bricker59 fell in love with me (poor thing).
It may have been my tousled, glossy red locks.
(That's not really me; I have bangs.)It might have been the twinkle in my large, piercing blue eyes.
(That's not really me; I have two eyes.)Maybe it was my sexy neon blue underwear (which looks great on me).
(That's not really me; I don't have the matching bra.)Or perhaps my irresistible Rubenesque curves.
(That's not really me; my hair is shorter.)It could have been any of those things, but it wasn’t. It was this:
(My decadent banana split cake.)And these:
(My delicious chocolate chip cookies.)He asked me to marry him and I had to disappoint him (poor thing). I hope he had enough beer in his refrigerator to mend his broken heart.
(Yeah, that probably would have been enough.)You’ll always have a special place in my heart, Bricker, but it’s for the best that we stay apart. Our combined magnificence would be too much for xanga.
And besides, there’s this guy I really like.
(That really is my husband. Isn't he dreamy?)I guess I’m just a sucker for long, flowing black locks, manly shoulders and a piercing eye. I’m sure you understand.
Comments (63)
Do you think that you let him down easy enough? Is it safe for the rest of womankind to step in and pick up the pieces? Perhaps Fedex him a few six packs?
AYE! Arrh!
I guess it's a pirate's life for you!
hehe. ok that was a baddd joke. but this entry made me giggle. hopefully bricker will giggle...well wait guys dont giggle do they? so maybe he'll just laugh? 
Rubenesque curves??? I will have to remember that one....lol sounds better than the way I usually describe myself!!!
Maybe you need to set up a Broken Hearts Blog...help your rejects find true love!!! Heheheheh
Have a great day...have you recovered from the trip home yet???
Ruth Ann
Proof that the way to a man's heart really is his stomach. Just posting pics of cookies is enough to make them blurt proposals.
I'd go husband hunting and post pics of my cookies too, but I make everything from a mix. That's kind of like beauty coming from plastic surgery.
bwahahahahaha!
@ModernBunny - They never need to know you're using a mix. Just artistically spread a little flour around and you're golden.
...and thousands of women throughout xangaland breathe a sigh of relief... he's still available.
LOL this blog made my day! But poor Bricker!!!
I would like to think you posted the lady in blue underwear just for me.
Poor Bricker. I don't know him but I feel badly about what he must be feeling. Somehow, that's not how I pictured your husband of fame who can fix anything. Now I have these images in my brain of pirates repairing stoves and computers. Arrrgh.
@TheTheologiansCafe - You go right ahead and think that. It was to ease Bricker's loss.
Oh, all right - I admit I thought of you when I picked it out.
Outstanding post.
Poor guy. Those spontaneous proposals are dangerous. I mean you just never know. I'm sure this post eased his aching heart...though adding more food pics could just compound the problem...increase his longing?
Well, I'm glad you let him down easy. Hopefully, there won't be any weirdness between you two.
@TheLoquaciousLady - LMAO I thought I heard that sigh...
HAWT
haha I hope you let him down easy. Poor guy.
since I haven't told you enough lately -- I love you, you rock.
this entry made me smile a mile!
Bricker is such a doll!
You are a stronger woman than me.
(Sobbing)
There will never be enough beer Vi.......
Or enough of someone else's cake......
But for the sake of our fellow Xangans, I shall try to overcome my crushing disappointment.
I hope you can do the same.
Hysterical!!!! A very Bricker-esque perspective on yourself and all in good fun. I'm glad Seedsower rec'd. Thanks for the laugh....
@RaVnR - Aw, thanks. The feeling is mutual.
@seedsower - He lives in Canada, Beth; that's a deal breaker. If I'm going to destroy my marriage, family and life in general, I've got to at least get out of the frozen north.
Oh, Vi. I hope he will be okay. A woman like you would be difficult for a man to get over.
Great picture of your husband. It's so...piratey.
@Krissy_Cole - Years of therapy!!!
You know, after seeing all the things that attracted or might have attracted Bricker, I have to confess that I'm almost tempted to propose. I mean, I totally have a thing for women with two eyes.
@Bricker59 - I made pain au chocolat for breakfast. It helped.
Have another beer.
@seedsower - I hope it helps. I am a bit skeptical. I wonder if she feels guilty about ruining the poor man's life and breaking his heart. He'll never see those blue skivvies again after this post. Poor guy.
@randomneuralfirings - Oh dear, I'd hate to be responsible for another broken heart. I'm sure if you look diligently, you can find another two-eyed woman on xanga who is almost as magnificent as I.
@TheTheologiansCafe - Has it occurred to anyone else to wonder why the chick in the photo is hopping a freight train in her underwear? I'd be a terrible photographer. I see absurdity where everyone else sees sexiness.
gahhhh!!! This was hllarious.
LOL..... great to start my day with a laugh. Poor poor Bricker dropped for a one eyed man in dreads....... your street cred is gonna suffer dude.
Poor Bricker
mornin glorie....well I'd say the train hopper was me but I don't wear that much eye makeup....
.....I've always wanted to hop a train though....Sorry Bricker...your probably ruinous for anyone else now!!!
LOL! Hilarious... and very sexy husband you've got there ;D
Sorry, I missed what you said after the picture of the girl with red hair. I have a thing for girls with red hair....*blush*.
Mom was talking to another lady yesterday, and I was standing with them, and she said to this other lady, "Matt has a thing for girls with red hair." At that exact moment a girl with red hair walked by, and gave my mom a very odd look.
@Bricker59 - Stop by the house, Brick. I'll buy ya a beer or twelve. It'll get better with time. I promise!
LOL!!!
Vi, you did awesome with this post!!! I am so proud of you for letting him down easy!!! I somehow doubt that there will be enough beer!!! Poor Bricker!!!
oh poor Bricker
I'm not gonna propose to you. I won't step in that menacing pirate's way. I will ask a question though. Did your daughter inherit your cooking abilities? If so I may have to step over to her site and propose to her.
@ModernBunny - @saintvi - Many guys wouldn't even need the flour spread around...
@mrcolorful - She can open a mean can of Manwich.
@saintvi - That doesn't sound quite as good as your cookies and cake. Your reply did come at a time when I am particularly hungry and Manwich does sound particularly good right about now...
Aw, poor thing.
I hope you let him down easy!
Awww...poor Bricker
his locks are to die for!
you're already married ...to steve buscemi?
Hilarious. Love it. It's quite a day when the heart breaker's heart is broken. Hope he heals soon.
@complicatedlight - I was going to dispute that, but I just took another look and I guess he really does look that scary.
Very funny. I have to say my favorite part was the "irresistible Rubenesque curves."
awww, but buscemi is creepily adorable!
lololol~ I'm sure his heart will heal....but it will take months...he has his beer to comfort him.
Great post! Thanks for the giggles!
Brilliant, Ma'am! My sides are aching from the laughter!
@Bricker59 - Have another beer, Brick...it's gonna be ok.
Aww, but you both could have been the Brad and Angelina of Xanga!
Fun!
I aways wondered what I looked like semi naked from behind..Now I know and I think I might cry
lol, you're silly. i giggled :]
your hubby's hott stuff!
thanks for the laugh!
Hahaha, this is awesome.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
I forgot all that you said in this post.....
EXCEPT
those yummy chocolate chip cookies!
Aww you heart breaker you. lol I must have missed the other post about the goodies. I don't blame him for wanting to marry you. hehe
Um... don't you mean "flowing block locks, manly shoulders and a PIERCED eye"? Just saying.
LOL!
I think Im in love with the banana split cake and cookies...
Mmmmm
You really did this very well, and I am also holding my sides for the laughter ache.
I love it!
cm
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