I’ve been blessed with opportunities to meet four wonderful xangans in the past few months. Last November I met EilisAngelos. She looks pretty much exactly how I pictured her except for her hair color (which she had recently changed). I had seen photos and videos of her online, so her lovely looks and voice were no surprise. She’s very much herself on her site (which she REALLY needs to update!!!), so her personality was pretty much what I expected.
The same holds true for TheTheologiansCafe whom I met in December, The44thHour whom I met last week, and, for the most part, seedsower whom I met last month. In each case, I had a pretty clear idea of my xanga friend’s looks and personality. Other than Andrew, I was familiar with their voices. I had heard Andrew sing, but was a little surprised by his lack of Texas drawl when he talks.
I, however, keep my face and voice under wraps on xanga. I think on speaking with each xangan for the first time, they commented that my voice was unexpected. I look different from what Andrew was expecting, but pretty much exactly what Beth had envisioned. I’m not sure how I measured up to Elisabeth and Dan’s preconceived ideas of me.
I develop my own personal mental image of what people on xanga look like based on their profile picture and the words they write. I imagine what their voice might sound like and look for clues to their personality in their posts. The biggest surprise I’ve had was seedsower. Because her photos are so filled with peace and serenity, I imagined Beth had a very quiet personality. She’s probably howling with laughter about now. I love that Beth is outgoing and fun and a little loud. She pulled me out of my shell and got me out doing things I would probably never have done on my own. At least not in public. We’re a good team, because I got her to do some stuff she’d never done, too. At least not recently.
I am never disappointed in how somebody looks. I place no real importance on weight, height, skin color, hair color, or any other physical trait. I have never yet been disappointed in the personality of my xanga friends. The ones I’ve met so far are either exactly how I imagined them to be, or even better. I wonder, though, if my looks have been a surprise - or even a disappointment - to others and if my quieter real-life personality is a letdown. I don’t pretend to be anything I’m not online, I just find it easier to talk to people using this medium than face to face, so I may come across as more outgoing than I really am. I have struggled all my life to overcome shyness, but once I feel comfortable with you, you may have a hard time shutting me up. (
Note to Dan: I was comfortable with you, but I was really tired.)
What has me thinking all these thoughts about looks, voices and personalities? The idea has been broached to make our next Third of July party a xanga meet. A few people have already expressed interest in attending. I’ve been wondering if I’m brave enough to allow multiple xangans at once to see what I look like and discover who I am. I worry that I will be a huge disappointment to everyone who may have preconceived ideas of how I look, sound and behave. I’m not fishing for compliments, but I guess I am looking for a bit of reassurance. It may seem silly to all you self-confident people, but I’m really feeling insecure about these things.
What I want to know is this: How attached are you to your imaginary image of me and how disappointed would you be to discover that I may not be like that at all?
Comments (37)
I am often told my voice comes as a shock, that I have a big voice for such a petite person. And (if I were asked) I'd certainly be interested in a third of July meetup, especially since I am officially forbidden by my doctor and husband to travel for the remainder of this year.
@TheLoquaciousLady - I was just thinking that going to that Third of July party would be a lot of fun!
I keep picturing my mom whenever I read your blog. I doubt you look like her, and I highly doubt you sound like her. So I'm not attached to my imaginary perception of you.
So I wouldn't be too disappointed if you turned out to be radically different from my mum.
@TheLoquaciousLady - I get the opposite reaction to my childish voice. Dan was sweet, he said I sound "so young!"
You could bring your entire family with you and I'd be thrilled. No burros, though, please.
i think a meet up sounds SO fun!
i, also speak loudly on here, but am not so in person unless you know me well. in fact, i recently noticed that the person i am with my family is not the person i am with my in law's... i am more myself with my in law's, for some different reasons.
all that to say, i have often wondered tha same thing about myself...i want to make sure i am being authentic on here, as it is easy to lie online... but that brings up another question in me... am being authentic as a person in "real" life?
as to disappointment, i would hope that i wouldn't have built up such a definite picture of anyone on here so as to be disappointed with who they were created to be. there would, obviously, need to be a period of adjustment... as one has to have to an interprtation of a literary character to the big screen. it's a bit of a shocker, sometimes. ;)
When I posted a picture of myself online, I was stunned at how many people it shocked. The image they had of me was not anywhere near the real thing. I found that amusing and I think most of them were happily surprised.
I have enjoyed meeting the xangans and I think you should certainly go and do. While I won't be at your meet-up, rest assured, I have no illusions about you missyI posted a picture of myself once and people were shocked. Apparently, they thought the old man in the profile picture was me instead of Johnny Cash.
I have you in my head and in my heart, just the way you are Vi.
Which is perfect.
Worrying about you is not neccessary. Worry about why Krysten won't take the feathers off her face in her profile pic!! LOLOL
I think it's kind of interesting how we create our own visions of what other Xangans act like and sound like in real life. It's kind of cool. With all of the Xangans that I have met, I have been pleasantly surprised how pretty much all of them are the same in person as they are on Xanga.
Aw c'mon, images are exactly that- images. Everyone here is a little different from the way they are in real life and a little similar. Sometimes I'm surprised, sometimes I'm not. "Disappointed" would be a pretty strong word. The only thing that would really disappoint me would be discovering that someone lied- about their gender, their age, etc.
I was just telling Dan yesterday that I always pictured him as economical with words, speaking at a mellow pace. Then I saw him on Xanga TV and he was the total opposite. Hahaha, probably none of us really write the way we talk.
I don't know if *I* was what you had in mind, after all. :P
But in the end, our blogs are windows to our minds and souls. I think we all know each other fairly well already. What we did was get acquainted in reverse- instead of meeting faces first and becoming familiar with thoughts and beliefs over time... we did it the other way around.
You're so sweet. I appreciate your vulnerability. Sounds like something I would worry about! Personally, I place a much higher value on beautiful insides than beautiful outsides, and your insides are a TEN.
You could always have the party but go down the street to a neighbor's party. That way no one's image of you would be shattered. Or you could talk your family and the four xangans you've met into calling you something else and then have people say that you went out of town to visit your family in Arkansas.
Really though, I don't see why it should matter what you look like.
A meet and greet would be wonderful.
I would imagine we would need to make nametags with our profile pic on them. Appearances can be decieving. One might be surprised to find out that I am not half of a set of siamese twins joined at the hands!
So .... does this mean you don't normally wear dark glasses and a bandana over your face?! Well as long as we're into full disclosure, I'm not actually dark skinned with a tear rolling down my cheek. lol. ;)
I've met a couple of Xangans in person (even hosted one for the weekend), and have never been disappointed. I'd be all for a meet and greet, too - NYC, perhaps?
The bandanna and sunglasses make you look very gangsta.
Not that there's anything wrong with that!
When I say that everyone I have met on xanga is what I would expect from there blog, I am never talking about their looks or their voice. I am more talking about their basic personality. I think that some people are naturally more vocal on xanga than they are in real life when it comes to meeting someone they have never met before. In fact, I have found that most people take a little time to warm up to the concept of meeting someone from the Internet.
But to me that doesn't mean there basic personality is different than I expect. I just realize they will not automatically open up in that setting like they do on xanga.
I could be wrong but I think that xanga makes us not care as much about age, race or looks. Instead we connect at a different level. So I don't think anyone would be disappointed. Now that you got me thinking about it, I hope no one has ever been disappointed in how I look. Haha. Just kidding. I look awesome.
@TheTheologiansCafe - Wow, good to see you don't let your popularity go to your head! Oh, and should you come to Vi's next year you can meet Chase, the puppy you helped name about two years ago!
@mrcolorful - My party is RIGHT next door so that might not work. Although it would make it easier for her to people watch all of you!
Vi- You are a lovely person with NOTHING to worry about. Yes, you are quiet and that's one of the reasons I love coming to your xanga. I have been able to get to know you better from here than in over ten years of living 20 feet apart! I bet you would be a bit more outgoing knowing that the people you are surrounded by people who already know your "deep dark secrets".
@kpsmom3 - I would think that she'd want to people watch during the get together.
I'm sure I'll be up for a 3rd of July party! I imagine I'll be seeing quite a bit of you before then, too. :)
@Bricker59 - I will be looking for you (and The Mood) at next year's party. You can't say something like that and then not come.
I have no pre-conceived ideas..hahahaa! Honestly sis, you have nothing to worry about. And they've already seen what you look like in Beth's photo. Did you lose any xanga friends after that photo was posted? Didn't think so......
We should all wear name tags that look like our profile pics with our xanga names, and our real names underneath. It'll be fun.
I love this idea. So far all the xangans I've met are family which I of course already knew! I thought if your picture was really you that you were probably kind of shy. The good guy is not a people person so much but I am. I am new to your site but I have been enjoying your visits with other xangans.
I think you are in Michigan and I am in Ohio so it could be possible for me to come!
You'll be fine. The people who would want to come are the people who love you already. You should totally go for it! :)
None of my xanga friends are big names (nor am I), but I'd love to meet them someday. The biggest hurdle I would have is meeting them and finding out that any of them still think I'm a guy...
The idea of internet friends as interactive "imaginary" friends is fun, but weirder the longer it continues. At least for me.
Well lets see...I have seen a recent photo of you and was not surprised at all! You look exactly as I imagined you to look!!! I have never been one who placed a lot on physical, and if you don't laugh and gawk at my big bottom we will do well (actually if you laughed at my big bottom I might laugh with you, somethings are just funny). I have struggled with weight issues all my life, so I honestly do understand the fear of meeting people in real life. Our world places so much emphasis on this, but I look towards the heart. Since I am a very outgoing person, and I live with a quiet husband I think we would do well. I wish often that I was more quiet and reserved, I am actually very attracted to these kind of people. Somehow they seem to ground me, and I like this in a person. Yep, we would be fast friends in real life!!! I hope that one day we can make a trip up your way, I will not get that far North without setting up a meeting with you! I am waiting for the day that I can just hug your neck!!!