Sixty-five years ago today, my parents got married. Dad has been gone for ten years and Mom has lost most of her memories to that blight on humanity, Alzheimer's Disease. But every December 16th I remember their anniversary and the commitment they had to each other. This is an old post I first published nine or ten years ago and is usually the first one I think about on this date.
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They met and married in 1952.
He was a fire control technician in the Navy who saw action off the coast of Korea. After they got married, she went to live with his parents in Kansas while he finished his tour of duty. Her new mother-in-law was a bit overbearing and a difficult person for a young bride to live with, but she stuck it out. She was relieved when he got out of the Navy and they moved west, first to Arizona where most of her family was living, and then to California where he got a job with the Woolworth Company. Over the next two decades he was transferred all over the country and she, and eventually five children, followed him wherever he went. For love of this man, she uprooted kids from friends and schools and started over time and again in a new town, a new state, a new job. He was a workaholic. He didn't even make it home the night the photographer she'd hired made a house call in order to take a family portrait.
She was always there for him, handling all the health and household crises, cooking late night dinners for him long after the children were in bed. As the years passed, prosperity gave way to a difficult financial situation. She began working full-time jobs, sometimes night shifts, to make ends meet. Some bitterness began to creep into their relationship, but still she stayed. When he developed heart problems, she bullied him into doctor appointments. When he broke his leg, she became his chauffeur. When he refused to slow down and follow doctors' advice, she organized his medications and made sure he took them, bought recliners and ottomans and made him elevate his legs. When his skin got so sensitive he could no longer tolerate laundry detergents or softeners, she experimented until finding a combination of products that would clean his clothes and kill germs without irritating him. Always, she looked out for him because he was too busy to take care of himself.
And suddenly fifty years had passed.
And they were still together.
His health began a long, slow decline. He suffered several strokes. He could no longer drive, no longer work. He could barely walk and talking was difficult. He became frustrated and bitter, but still she stayed and cared for him.
And her love and commitment was an example to their children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews and friends. When it became clear that his time on this earth was growing short, one son moved back home and helped her care for him. The other son, knowing he could afford only one trip, traveled from overseas to see him while he lived, sacrificing his presence at the funeral everyone knew would come soon.
The two daughters who lived locally both did all they could to help their mother and bring joy and comfort to their father in his last weeks. The daughter who lived far away came home twice in one month to see him. Sons and daughters-in-law came to visit him. Nieces, nephews, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, siblings and cousins came or called or wrote.When he died, she put on her best dress and wore the pearls he'd given her so many years before. For love of them both, their son-in-law conducted the funeral service with a cell phone sitting upon the pulpit and an open line to London where their son and his family listened.
For love of them both, family and friends arrived from all over the country to honor him and comfort her. And nearly every one of them stood up and shared stories and memories of him at the service.
For love of a fellow serviceman and patriot, a Navy honor guard drove hundreds of miles and waited alone in the cemetery for three hours to offer comfort to her and acknowledge his love for and service to his country.
For nearly 54 years she showed her family that love is a commitment not to be taken lightly or easily cast aside. She made a constant series of decisions, large and small, day after day, year after year, decade after decade, to put his happiness and welfare ahead of her own. She could have left when she tired of all the moves, but she chose to demonstrate that love does not seek the easy way out when the road becomes difficult. She could have left when times got tough, but instead she showed her children that love does not shrivel and die when money is scarce and health is poor. She could have walked away when he lashed out at her in frustration, but she stayed and proved that love perseveres, even when anger and bitterness threaten to destroy it.
"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous. ...[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."