September 13, 2013

• Getting up early to do something unpleasant.

  Well, folks, this is it. I've been threatening for several years now to think about the possibility of maybe going to the dentist. Not only am I going to the dentist today, I'm going at an ungodly hour of the day. The only plus here is that maybe I'll fall back asleep in the chair.

  My dental history highlights include:

  • An alcoholic orthodontist who messed up my mouth for two years before anyone realized.

  • Two years of rubber band and head gear torture to correct the first orthodontist's mistakes.

  • Wisdom teeth removed by a Navy dentist. I tried to count the number of shots he gave me in the roof of my mouth, but lost track at 40 something when his assistant distracted me by blindfolding me.

  Is it any wonder I have a phobia about dentists? But I had to face reality; my teeth don't feel right. I'm hoping it's something simple like the old fillings needing to be replaced. It's a feeble hope, but I'm holding onto it for dear life.

  I have to leave in about six minutes. Guess I should put on some shoes and brush the toast and banana off my teeth. If you never hear from me again, take comfort in knowing that your end will not be as lousy as mine.

  • 8:13 am
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